One of my friend forward me this in mail. it is so funny. CAs no personal....
The person who wrote this is really amazing....if you people know any such other posts.let me know.
Marrying a Chartered Accountant .....
When I told my mom that I wanted a professional woman as my wife, she got me
one; a Chartered Accountant. She uses LIFO method while taking out the
refrigerated food. She thinks I am no good at figure work. Fine with me, for
now she handles the budget of the house.
Initially she used to send me a bill at the month end, but when I told her
that I am not her client but her husband, she asks for the money in advance.
The expenses had been rising steadily over the months, so one day I snooped
into the papers maintained in a current file.
No wonder! She was charging conveyance and overtime to the house budget.
She is crazy, I tell her but she corrects me. "No my darling, I am the
auditor." I fail to see the light.
Every scrap of the paper in our house is filed.
She tells me as per some Ordinance she must keep a copy of every thing for
at least ten years before destroying it.
I am worried.
The other day we had an hour-long fight. Later, I got to know that she had
charged that hour to a client of hers, in the time sheet. My time was put
down as unoccupied.
She says that she loves me and I tell her that I love her too. However, she
never believes me. She says that there is susceptibility of it being a
misstatement. Duh! She wants my representation on this & Expert opinion of
some Expert!
Not a long time back my brother's wedding was to be solemnized. Wedding
cards had been sent. After some time I started receiving a steady trickle of
letters. I was puzzled until my wife explained that external evidence was
more reliable. She had called for confirmations from all those to whom cards
were sent.
When she cooks, my wife at times does not go by recipe. Where the recipe
says add half-teaspoon vinegar, one tsp black salt or one teacup of water,
she ignores them. She says that they are not material when taken in context
of whole meal being prepared.
She is crazy, I tell you. Surprisingly everybody calls her an auditor,
instead. I checked the dictionary and it did not state that auditor is a
synonym for crazy. The dictionary must be outdated. When we got married,
she had given me an Engagement Letter and I Had said how cute-how sweet.Now
she gives it to me every year saying that her standards state that it must
be sent anew if there is any indication that I have misunderstood the
objective and scope of engagement. Huh!
Apart from sending me the engagement letter once again she says I can't get
rid off her just like that. She says that she has the right of being heard
before I appoint some one else. It seems I must keep reading one local and
another English newspaper published and circulated in the vicinity of our
house for more details.
Phew! For a minute, I thought that we had jeopardized our going concern
status. Duh! Dare I say so??
I am told by one of my female colleagues who is married to a CA that the
scenario is even worse when the guy is a CA. Apparently he capitalised the
wedding expenses as preliminary expenses and is writing it off every year.
Also the time he spent dating his wife before marrying her is still under
consideration for valuation under AS-26...valuation of intangible assets.
So guys please think twice....should u really marry a CA? And yes please
discount it by the appropriate rate to arrive at the present value of the
risk of doing so !!!
Monday, December 29, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
A fantastic article by Francois Gautier– .........Is there such a thing as 'Hindu terrorism'.
Is there such a thing as 'Hindu terrorism', as the arrest of Sadhvi Pragya Singh Thakur for the recent Malegaon blasts may tend to prove? Well, I guess I was asked to write this column because I am one of that rare breed of foreign correspondents? a lover of Hindus! A born Frenchman, Catholic-educated and non-Hindu, I do hope I'll be given some credit for my opinions, which are not the product of my parents' ideas, my education or my atavism, but garnered from 25 years of reporting in South Asia (for Le Journal de Geneve and Le Figaro).
In the early 1980s, when I started freelancing in south India , doing photo features on kalaripayattu, the Ayyappa festival, or the Ayyanars, I slowly realised that the genius of this country lies in its Hindu ethos, in the true spirituality behind Hinduism. The average Hindu you meet in a million villages possesses this simple, innate spirituality and accepts your diversity, whether you are Christian or Muslim, Jain or Arab, French or Chinese. It is this Hinduness that makes the Indian Christian different from, say, a French Christian, or the Indian Muslim unlike a Saudi Muslim. I also learnt that Hindus not only believed that the divine could manifest itself at different times, under different names, using different scriptures (not to mention the wonderful avatar concept, the perfect answer to 21st century religious strife) but that they had also given refuge to persecuted minorities from across the world?Syrian Christians, Parsis, Jews, Armenians, and today, Tibetans. In 3,500 years of existence, Hindus have never militarily invaded another country, never tried to impose their religion on others by force or induced conversions.
You cannot find anybody less fundamentalist than a Hindu in the world and it saddens me when I see the Indian and western press equating terrorist groups like SIMI, which blow up innocent civilians, with ordinary, angry Hindus who burn churches without killing anybody. We know also that most of these communal incidents often involve persons from the same groups?often Dalits and tribals?some of who have converted to Christianity and others not.
However reprehensible the destruction of Babri Masjid, no Muslim was killed in the process; compare this to the 'vengeance' bombings of 1993 in Bombay , which wiped out hundreds of innocents, mostly Hindus. Yet the Babri Masjid destruction is often described by journalists as the more horrible act of the two. We also remember how Sharad Pawar, when he was chief minister of Maharashtra in 1993, lied about a bomb that was supposed to have gone off in a Muslim locality of Bombay .
I have never been politically correct, but have always written what I have discovered while reporting. Let me then be straightforward about this so-called Hindu terror. Hindus, since the first Arab invasions, have been at the receiving end of terrorism, whether it was by Timur, who killed 1,00,000 Hindus in a single day in 1399, or by the Portuguese Inquisition which crucified Brahmins in Goa . Today, Hindus are still being targeted: there were one million Hindus in the Kashmir valley in 1900; only a few hundred remain, the rest having fled in terror. Blasts after blasts have killed hundreds of innocent Hindus all over India in the last four years. Hindus, the overwhelming majority community of this country, are being made fun of, are despised, are deprived of the most basic facilities for one of their most sacred pilgrimages in Amarnath while their government heavily sponsors the Haj. They see their brothers and sisters converted to Christianity through inducements and financial traps, see a harmless 84-year-old swami and a sadhvi brutally murdered. Their gods are blasphemed.
So sometimes, enough is enough.At some point, after years or even centuries of submitting like sheep to slaughter, Hindus?whom the Mahatma once gently called cowards?erupt in uncontrolled fury. And it hurts badly. It happened in Gujarat . It happened in Jammu , then in Kandhamal, Mangalore, and Malegaon . It may happen again elsewhere. What should be understood is that this is a spontaneous revolution on the ground, by ordinary Hindus, without any planning from the political leadership. Therefore, the BJP, instead of acting embarrassed, should not disown those who choose other means to let their anguished voices be heard.
In the early 1980s, when I started freelancing in south India , doing photo features on kalaripayattu, the Ayyappa festival, or the Ayyanars, I slowly realised that the genius of this country lies in its Hindu ethos, in the true spirituality behind Hinduism. The average Hindu you meet in a million villages possesses this simple, innate spirituality and accepts your diversity, whether you are Christian or Muslim, Jain or Arab, French or Chinese. It is this Hinduness that makes the Indian Christian different from, say, a French Christian, or the Indian Muslim unlike a Saudi Muslim. I also learnt that Hindus not only believed that the divine could manifest itself at different times, under different names, using different scriptures (not to mention the wonderful avatar concept, the perfect answer to 21st century religious strife) but that they had also given refuge to persecuted minorities from across the world?Syrian Christians, Parsis, Jews, Armenians, and today, Tibetans. In 3,500 years of existence, Hindus have never militarily invaded another country, never tried to impose their religion on others by force or induced conversions.
You cannot find anybody less fundamentalist than a Hindu in the world and it saddens me when I see the Indian and western press equating terrorist groups like SIMI, which blow up innocent civilians, with ordinary, angry Hindus who burn churches without killing anybody. We know also that most of these communal incidents often involve persons from the same groups?often Dalits and tribals?some of who have converted to Christianity and others not.
However reprehensible the destruction of Babri Masjid, no Muslim was killed in the process; compare this to the 'vengeance' bombings of 1993 in Bombay , which wiped out hundreds of innocents, mostly Hindus. Yet the Babri Masjid destruction is often described by journalists as the more horrible act of the two. We also remember how Sharad Pawar, when he was chief minister of Maharashtra in 1993, lied about a bomb that was supposed to have gone off in a Muslim locality of Bombay .
I have never been politically correct, but have always written what I have discovered while reporting. Let me then be straightforward about this so-called Hindu terror. Hindus, since the first Arab invasions, have been at the receiving end of terrorism, whether it was by Timur, who killed 1,00,000 Hindus in a single day in 1399, or by the Portuguese Inquisition which crucified Brahmins in Goa . Today, Hindus are still being targeted: there were one million Hindus in the Kashmir valley in 1900; only a few hundred remain, the rest having fled in terror. Blasts after blasts have killed hundreds of innocent Hindus all over India in the last four years. Hindus, the overwhelming majority community of this country, are being made fun of, are despised, are deprived of the most basic facilities for one of their most sacred pilgrimages in Amarnath while their government heavily sponsors the Haj. They see their brothers and sisters converted to Christianity through inducements and financial traps, see a harmless 84-year-old swami and a sadhvi brutally murdered. Their gods are blasphemed.
So sometimes, enough is enough.At some point, after years or even centuries of submitting like sheep to slaughter, Hindus?whom the Mahatma once gently called cowards?erupt in uncontrolled fury. And it hurts badly. It happened in Gujarat . It happened in Jammu , then in Kandhamal, Mangalore, and Malegaon . It may happen again elsewhere. What should be understood is that this is a spontaneous revolution on the ground, by ordinary Hindus, without any planning from the political leadership. Therefore, the BJP, instead of acting embarrassed, should not disown those who choose other means to let their anguished voices be heard.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Song Dedicated to current situation of INDIA
"Hands Held High"
Turn my mike up louder I got to say something
Light weights step to the side when we come in
Feel it in your chest the syllables get pumping
People on the street they panic and start running
Words on loose leaf sheet complete coming
I jump in my mind and summon the rhyme, I'm dumping
Healing the blind I promise to let the sun in
Sick of the dark ways we march to the drum and
Jump when they tell us that they wanna see jumping
Fuck that I wanna see some fists pumping
Risk something, take back what's yours
Say something that you know they might attack you for
Cause I'm sick of being treated like I have before
Like it's stupid standing for what I'm standing for
Like this war's really just a different brand of war
Like it doesn't cater the rich and abandon poor
Like they understand you in the back of the jet
When you can't put gas in your tank
These fuckers are laughing their way to the bank and cashing the cheque
Asking you to have compassion and have some respect
For a leader so nervous in an obvious way
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay
And the rest of the world watching at the end of the day
In their living room laughing like "what did he say?"
[Chorus:]AmenAmenAmenAmenAmen
In my living room watching but I am not laughing
Cause when it gets tense I know what might happen
World is cold the bold men take action
Have to react or get blown into fractions
Ten years old it's something to see
Another kid my age drugged under a jeep
Taken and bound and found later under a tree
I wonder if he had thought the next one could be me
Do you see the soldiers they're out today
They brush the dust from bullet proof vests away
It's ironic at times like this you pray
But a bomb blew the mosque up yesterday
There's bombs in the buses, bikes, roads
Inside your market, your shops, your clothes
My dad he's got a lot of fear I know
But enough pride inside not to let that show
My brother had a book he would hold with pride
A little red cover with a broken spine
On the back, he hand-wrote a quote inside
When the rich wage war it's the poor who die
Meanwhile, the leader just talks away
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay
And the rest of the world watching at the end of the day
both scared and angry like "what did he say?"
[Chorus x6][x6]With hands held high into the sky so blue,
As the ocean opens up to swallow you.
Turn my mike up louder I got to say something
Light weights step to the side when we come in
Feel it in your chest the syllables get pumping
People on the street they panic and start running
Words on loose leaf sheet complete coming
I jump in my mind and summon the rhyme, I'm dumping
Healing the blind I promise to let the sun in
Sick of the dark ways we march to the drum and
Jump when they tell us that they wanna see jumping
Fuck that I wanna see some fists pumping
Risk something, take back what's yours
Say something that you know they might attack you for
Cause I'm sick of being treated like I have before
Like it's stupid standing for what I'm standing for
Like this war's really just a different brand of war
Like it doesn't cater the rich and abandon poor
Like they understand you in the back of the jet
When you can't put gas in your tank
These fuckers are laughing their way to the bank and cashing the cheque
Asking you to have compassion and have some respect
For a leader so nervous in an obvious way
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay
And the rest of the world watching at the end of the day
In their living room laughing like "what did he say?"
[Chorus:]AmenAmenAmenAmenAmen
In my living room watching but I am not laughing
Cause when it gets tense I know what might happen
World is cold the bold men take action
Have to react or get blown into fractions
Ten years old it's something to see
Another kid my age drugged under a jeep
Taken and bound and found later under a tree
I wonder if he had thought the next one could be me
Do you see the soldiers they're out today
They brush the dust from bullet proof vests away
It's ironic at times like this you pray
But a bomb blew the mosque up yesterday
There's bombs in the buses, bikes, roads
Inside your market, your shops, your clothes
My dad he's got a lot of fear I know
But enough pride inside not to let that show
My brother had a book he would hold with pride
A little red cover with a broken spine
On the back, he hand-wrote a quote inside
When the rich wage war it's the poor who die
Meanwhile, the leader just talks away
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay
And the rest of the world watching at the end of the day
both scared and angry like "what did he say?"
[Chorus x6][x6]With hands held high into the sky so blue,
As the ocean opens up to swallow you.
Monday, December 01, 2008
Youngistan. Let us Build our INDIA.
What are we doing guys…………
My mind goes blank whenever I ask this question to myself…. Like a typical white collar middleclass fellow I always say “Our India should be like that,…India should compete America. There should be no corruption …Blah blah blah”.
But we do nothing for it. We always say these politicians are BAKAWAS. They are making our country week blah blah blah..
But ever somebody tried to clean this shit? I never tried. And I’m feeling guilty for it.
If you ask what I do then, I’m an software engineer, I work 8am to 8 pm everyday. I earn lot of money, and waste it on weekend. I’m an spoiled brat, attracted to western culture. Always thinking when my company will send me onsite. When I’ll be able to earn in dollars.
And what for, not for charity, not for my country. just for my own lavish life.
That was my life. And I’m through it.
But now I want to build YOUNGISTAN. Please guys let us try.
We can make difference. We cannot waste the sacrifice of our brave soldiers. We should do something for them.
Politicians should stop to make an issue of their lives.
Politicians should not interfere in the police and army matters.
Spent much money on army and policeman, to make them more equipped with new technology weapons. Rather than spending money on these politicians. Who never pay their income tax also! (Police constables are still using LATHI, and fighting against AK47).
Create a federal agency.
And we should believe in them.
Please give your better suggestion for how to implement this.
And one thing I want to say to out politicians. Don’t be the bastards. you make us sick.
if you have some dignity, atleast try to improve yourself now.
My mind goes blank whenever I ask this question to myself…. Like a typical white collar middleclass fellow I always say “Our India should be like that,…India should compete America. There should be no corruption …Blah blah blah”.
But we do nothing for it. We always say these politicians are BAKAWAS. They are making our country week blah blah blah..
But ever somebody tried to clean this shit? I never tried. And I’m feeling guilty for it.
If you ask what I do then, I’m an software engineer, I work 8am to 8 pm everyday. I earn lot of money, and waste it on weekend. I’m an spoiled brat, attracted to western culture. Always thinking when my company will send me onsite. When I’ll be able to earn in dollars.
And what for, not for charity, not for my country. just for my own lavish life.
That was my life. And I’m through it.
But now I want to build YOUNGISTAN. Please guys let us try.
We can make difference. We cannot waste the sacrifice of our brave soldiers. We should do something for them.
Politicians should stop to make an issue of their lives.
Politicians should not interfere in the police and army matters.
Spent much money on army and policeman, to make them more equipped with new technology weapons. Rather than spending money on these politicians. Who never pay their income tax also! (Police constables are still using LATHI, and fighting against AK47).
Create a federal agency.
And we should believe in them.
Please give your better suggestion for how to implement this.
And one thing I want to say to out politicians. Don’t be the bastards. you make us sick.
if you have some dignity, atleast try to improve yourself now.
What Mumbai have lost…tribute to our brave soldiers ,a voice of Mumbaikar and Indian.
First thing.
My tribute to our brave soldiers, because of them only I’m able to sleep peacefully in my bedroom without any worries in my head.
Because I know that those soldiers are there to protect me.
And what am I doing for them, Nothing! Sometimes I really feel guilty.
We just saw what happen in Mumbai. I’m a Mumbaikar, I was here in Mumbai those bustards attack here.
Many people would have lost their lives. Thanks to the Mumbai Police, ATS, NEG, ARMY and NAVY personals.
They throw away their lives for us. They also have families. They are also mortals. Being aware that it might risk their lives, they fought just to protect us.
We owe our life to these soldiers and their famillies,
I just want to say to our soldiers and their famillies .I SUPPORT ALL OF YOU AND THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I know that it just not enough.
Its shame that soldiers protect us, and we never asked them what they expect from us.
But it’s not too late. I Request all Indian soldiers (ARMY, NAVY, NSG, POLICE personals) please let me know what you expect from us.
I will give my 100% to help all of you.
My tribute to our brave soldiers, because of them only I’m able to sleep peacefully in my bedroom without any worries in my head.
Because I know that those soldiers are there to protect me.
And what am I doing for them, Nothing! Sometimes I really feel guilty.
We just saw what happen in Mumbai. I’m a Mumbaikar, I was here in Mumbai those bustards attack here.
Many people would have lost their lives. Thanks to the Mumbai Police, ATS, NEG, ARMY and NAVY personals.
They throw away their lives for us. They also have families. They are also mortals. Being aware that it might risk their lives, they fought just to protect us.
We owe our life to these soldiers and their famillies,
I just want to say to our soldiers and their famillies .I SUPPORT ALL OF YOU AND THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I know that it just not enough.
Its shame that soldiers protect us, and we never asked them what they expect from us.
But it’s not too late. I Request all Indian soldiers (ARMY, NAVY, NSG, POLICE personals) please let me know what you expect from us.
I will give my 100% to help all of you.
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